HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
