You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
