he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
