Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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