She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
