I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
