Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
