oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize