something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Two words: nipple clamps
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