it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
