Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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