It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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