its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
