Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
one two three fourrrrnication!
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
