Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
