His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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