??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
