She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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