I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
