She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
