It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
