I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
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