I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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