Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
