Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
