Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
