Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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