Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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