I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
