my mouth tastes like poor choices
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
