you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
