this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
