I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
