Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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