Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
