just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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