come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
