Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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