This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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