This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize