your thong is hanging out like whoa
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
