omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
sex in a hospital.. check
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize