i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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