He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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