i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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