he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
