There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
