I think my vagina is haunted
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
