Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
