wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
