Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
