Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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