can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I just googled if crying burns calories
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
