so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
