8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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