I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
