So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
