we have pet lesbian snakes
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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