just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
