You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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