I only kidnapped one of them. chill
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
