Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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