you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize