The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
