I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Can I color on your dick again?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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