I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
