i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
