I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
MIDGETS
????
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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