I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Randomize
