What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
